The following is an excerpt from “Peer Review” a play. The setting is a home in Gettysburg Pennsylvania. The 47th president meets the 16th.
THE TALL MAN
We have all noticed your obsession with political enemies. Mr. Nixon has kept a
particularly close watch on this activity.
DJT
Nixon’s dead, and I don’t care. Look if people aren’t nice to me I’m not nice back. They
all think they’re so much smarter than me. Obama, the Clinton’s, that Puerto Rican chick
from New York. All jerks.
THE TALL MAN
Ha. The Army of the Potomac had generals who thought the same of me. (Pauses)That
reminds me of a time when a client came to my Springfield law office and hired me for a
patent case. The fellow paid a retainer, and I began research on the legal particulars.
Oddly enough I never heard another word about it. Later the newspaper said the trial had
been moved to Cincinnati, Ohio.
DJT crosses his arms pouting. The Tall Man
merely smiles.
THE TALL MAN
Well sir, I made the journey by train to attend that proceeding. To my surprise a new lead
attorney sat at the courtroom table, and pointedly ignored me. Later I learned he had
dismissed me as a long-lanked creature in a dirty coat. Of course my feelings were more
than a little wounded. However I remained in Cincinnati and observed the court
proceedings. There is always something to learn. That attorney, Edwin Stanton, made a
fine job of it, and I later made him my Secretary of War.
DJT
What the hell is wrong with you! All you dead guys are morons. Made him a Cabinet
Secretary. I would have made up a name, you know, like Pocahontas or Shifty Schiff and
never stopped hounding him. I’da ruined the guy.
THE TALL MAN
And that would have proven a mistake. Secretary Stanton proved a wise choice for his
management of the Union Army. Besides, in the words of Mr. Lyndon Johnson, again, it
is “Better to have your enemies inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing
in.”
The Tall Man laughs and slaps his leg.
THE TALL MAN
Stanton merited the post, as did most members of my cabinet, Seward at State, Chase at
Treasury, Blair as Postmaster General. They had been my competitors for the presidency,
and I appointed these men knowing full well they resented my election.
DJT
You’re crazy. I wouldn’t have let them in the White House. I’m still gonna get even with
the scumbags who stood in my way, DeSantis and Nikki Haley. May not be today, but I
will destroy them. I never forget.
THE TALL MAN
I required sound advice in a difficult time, and that these men were the best, except for
Simon Cameron. There was a scandal and he was undone. Deceivers like Cameron and
Floyd undo themselves. You could learn from their errors.
The Tall Man looks again at his writing, as DJT
speaks.
DJT
Who needs a cabinet anyway. Fill it with dopes who will do as I say. I’m in charge now.
THE TALL MAN
Americans are a free thinking people. Never will they all revere you as does a minority at
this particular moment. You, me, all of us have but a brief time in office. The American
people possess a truth beyond momentary and shifting opinions. Beyond a name on a
map America embraces noble ideals and accomplishes great things.
DJT
Just what I thought, a Rino. You liberals are what’s wrong with America.
THE TALL MAN
Ha. You foolish man. The whole idea of America is Liberal. This nation is the product of
the best political thinking of the 18th Century. It is the sovereignty of the people!
The Tall Man taps the pen on the desk top.
Mr. Madison crafted the Constitution and his Bill of Rights upon the rights of free people.
DJT
America doesn’t care about that anymore. Times have changed. I have changed it. They
want a strong man who gets shit done. Blacks, women, immigrants put back in their
place.
THE TALL MAN
You are mistaken. Only the people are the rightful masters . . .
Gail Chumbley is the author of the two-part memoir “River of January,” and “River of January: Figure Eight,” co-writer of the screenplay, “Dancing On Air” based own those books. She has penned three stage plays on history topics, “Clay” on the life of Senator Henry Clay, “Wolf By The Ears” examining the beginnings of American slavery, and “Peer Review” where 47 is confronted by specters of four past presidents.








